post chemo day # 9

Awoke to hic-quakes today 0530, shaking my body and my bed … very Exorcist. With the cool mist vaporizer running full throttle the chemo mist was confusing me.

I have not slept through the night since chemotherapy began 9 days ago, factor in chemo fatigue … and chemotherapy is kicking my ass. I pray it is also kicking cancer’s ass as relentlessly.

It’s also about my own stupidity. Where did I ever get it into my head that by the third day I would be feeling better? I had even briefly agreed to perform on the 4^th day before cancelling out by day 2.

My oncologist assures me I am not unusual … some patients are up and about within the week, others may take another week or two.

After a quarter century of spouse caregiving, ‘dependency’ was never my future view … and it is spinning my world off its axis.

I must assume that cruising through brain radiation therapy addled my brain. Retuning for saline drips and/or sugar water drips has been helpful and restorative if only for a couple hours.

Plus the chemo lounge is a world within a world or a dream within a dream. Our own daughter even remarked how seeing another adult daughter watching over her  Dad made her feel less alone ... it took her 16 years to find another like her, with a Mom in a wheelchair with MS

Skipped today just to see how it might go. Started out OK but as usual without a saline and or sugar water drip it deteriorated. Returning tomorrow, Friday, for a booster for the weekend.

Plus I've developed a garden variety laryngitis which is only frustrating everything. 

Blood work, vital signs, etc. are “excellent”